Cancer: tightrope, time bomb, or agent of freedom?

There is a tightrope walked by folks after a cancering diagnosis. On one end of the rope is the diagnosis, on the other is death.  A diagnosis changes your perception of how long that rope might be. Whereas prior to diagnosis most folks imagine themselves living to a ripe old age while dandling smiling great grand babies on…

Chemo Brain and Object Permanence

Long time no post people.  I am still here, and theoretically not cancering. Part One is about Chemo Brain, and Part Two is an update of sorts… Part 1 :  Chemical Brain Remodeling So, the Brain, what is up with the brain? If I know anything it is that the cancering treatment experience resulted in…

The Cosmic Super Bowl

Part One: What if we are all Worthy? What if we make an assumption that we are all part of an elite team of souls who are here to help each other and the Earth to transform to the next most wonderous stage? What if every person and situation you come across is delivering a…

This is where it all starts, just come as you are.

The wheel of the year goes round and round, round and round…  Looking out at the emerging leaves and watching the song birds gather bits and pieces for their nests it is with some amazement that I have to realize that it is already May.  Spring always seems like it ought to be the beginning…

Even Unicorns have bad days.

A week ago, April 28th, was the three year anniversary of my mastectomy. When I am feeling good that seems like the day I became a unicorn. In those times I am filled with the miracle of being granted the all clear pathology report and what feels like a new more sparkly cancer free future….

Recurrence, an Oncoming Train?

(Disclaimer: Many of you know that I just visited my oncology team last week- Just so you know, all tests came back normal. I continue to have no evidence of returning disease. I am feeling happy, humble and very grateful for being in this place in this moment.) I have thought of western treatments like…

Is it time to retire my Oncologist?

Joe sent me a thought provoking article from the New Yorker on the need for incremental medicine, the kind practiced by old fashioned generalists, contrasted with the heroic medicine practiced by specialists. Which of course had me thinking about how Cancering treatments might be different if we valued the more subtle aspects of medicine as much as…

What you need to know about Existential Suffering

Pain and Suffering are different things. This is something I have pondered in superficial ways at times. After reading quite an amazing post, Pain vs Suffering: Why they’re not the same for Patients, on the blog Heart Sisters, my mind is whirling. Carolyn Thomas’s well researched article explains so much.  Though she is a longtime cardiology patient, her insights…

Body as Enemy – Body as Ally

Some of my best thinking happens in the shower. The warm water and steam seem to open up my mind to possibilities that otherwise wouldn’t occur to me.  The other morning it was a question: Am I being an ally to my body or am I my own worst enemy? This led to more questions….

Navigating the Medicine Show

“Step right up! Step right up! Hear about the amazing healing powers of Dr. SmartyPants’ patented formula!” If pharmaceutical drugs were distributed out of the back of a charlatan wagon at a medicine show  would they have fewer takers?  Wait a moment, what about commercials for prescription drugs? You know the ones, with the huge list of possible…

Burning Books and The End of Bad Expectations.

I have a confession. I have burned two books in my life. I am not a fan of censorship, I did read Fahrenheit 451, and to be fair I didn’t seek out every copy and destroy them, or start to steal them from public libraries to prevent others from reading them. Nonetheless I am a book burner. The…

Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

When my MRI appointment came onto the scene in September my anxiety reached near epic proportions. It is stunning to me that I could be more, much more, anxious waiting for a routine check up than I was at nearly any time during my year of treatments in 2014. I am coming to recognize that anxiety is in part simply a communication between…