My writing on this here blog seems to come to a standstill – languish, and then sputter and start up again for a brief sojourn. This is one such sojourn. In December it will be five years since my breast cancering diagnosis, that arbitrary border of the recurrence danger zone. Though of course there are…
Category: breast cancer
Chemo Brain and Object Permanence
Long time no post people. I am still here, and theoretically not cancering. Part One is about Chemo Brain, and Part Two is an update of sorts… Part 1 : Chemical Brain Remodeling So, the Brain, what is up with the brain? If I know anything it is that the cancering treatment experience resulted in…
Letting down my guard.
Which wolf do you want to feed? Fear, hate and loathing on one side, compassion and joy on the other. Which wolf do you want to be stronger? What you feed grows stronger. These days my focus in life is shifting – I am looking for ways to feed the loving wolf. It could be…
Cha-Cha-Cha Changes
Have you ever come across a missive from an earlier version of yourself? A note or writing or creative project long forgotten that upon discovery doesn’t inspire any rekindling of memory? It seems like a small miracle- finding such a small snippet. As if the younger smarter me had it all figured out, and left…
Recurrence, an Oncoming Train?
(Disclaimer: Many of you know that I just visited my oncology team last week- Just so you know, all tests came back normal. I continue to have no evidence of returning disease. I am feeling happy, humble and very grateful for being in this place in this moment.) I have thought of western treatments like…
Is it time to retire my Oncologist?
Joe sent me a thought provoking article from the New Yorker on the need for incremental medicine, the kind practiced by old fashioned generalists, contrasted with the heroic medicine practiced by specialists. Which of course had me thinking about how Cancering treatments might be different if we valued the more subtle aspects of medicine as much as…
What you need to know about Existential Suffering
Pain and Suffering are different things. This is something I have pondered in superficial ways at times. After reading quite an amazing post, Pain vs Suffering: Why they’re not the same for Patients, on the blog Heart Sisters, my mind is whirling. Carolyn Thomas’s well researched article explains so much. Though she is a longtime cardiology patient, her insights…
Body as Enemy – Body as Ally
Some of my best thinking happens in the shower. The warm water and steam seem to open up my mind to possibilities that otherwise wouldn’t occur to me. The other morning it was a question: Am I being an ally to my body or am I my own worst enemy? This led to more questions….
Insomnia on Boxing Day
At one time my days regularly started at 2:50 a.m. That is when my alarm went off to set in motion my work as a baker. It was a rare day that the alarm actually woke me though, it was most usual for me to already be awake with my mind racing ahead or behind like…
Burning Books and The End of Bad Expectations.
I have a confession. I have burned two books in my life. I am not a fan of censorship, I did read Fahrenheit 451, and to be fair I didn’t seek out every copy and destroy them, or start to steal them from public libraries to prevent others from reading them. Nonetheless I am a book burner. The…
Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown
When my MRI appointment came onto the scene in September my anxiety reached near epic proportions. It is stunning to me that I could be more, much more, anxious waiting for a routine check up than I was at nearly any time during my year of treatments in 2014. I am coming to recognize that anxiety is in part simply a communication between…
Riding the Pooka 